We made it dad.

“We made it, dad”

I said to him yesterday. Tears in our eyes.

For so long, I thought I didn’t have it in me.

Today, I get to stand next to my dad in a foreign country, about to speak at an event, overseeing the sea, and know I not only survived the last few years of my life but I came out winning.

Against all odds.

3 years ago, this wasn’t even a distant dream…

“Lara, wake up sweetie. Please”

“How can I make the pain go away”

I remember my dad saying this while he was shaking me. I wasn’t waking up.

I’d fallen asleep crying yet again.

I had no drive, no passion, no purpose. I was broken.

Every day was the same. Everything looked grey, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

I had panic attacks that left me immobilized for hours.

Intrusive thoughts ran my head. That wouldn’t let me live.

Everything was grey. The depression had messed with my real-world perception.

I was ashamed of feeling this way. How could I possibly feels so sad?

A loving family, a roof over my head, a university degree… the picture of privilege. How could I possibly feel this way???

I hated it.

Amongst all the self-loathing, there he was..my dad.

He couldn’t understand me.

But he tried so hard to understand me.

He tried so hard, listened to me so attentively.

He dragged me out of bed when I couldn’t.

Held my hand. Washed my hair. Told me it was ok.

But most importantly, he loved me when I couldn’t.

He loved me out of my depression. 

That was so powerful.

It's amazing to think how a dad can give a girl life twice.

I often get called out for promoting hustle culture…

How “awful that is for my mental health”.

How could I “possibly be promoting something so detrimental to society”.

How I “don’t get it, and clearly have never gone through it”

I laugh; funny how people gather and judge without knowing the full picture.

Where they see toxic, I see revival.

I longed to have a purpose so big that I couldn’t sleep because I had a dream to chase. Today I have it.

If people only knew the weekends I don’t take off are to make up for the ones I lost.. and gladly.

My purpose is bigger than me. That is clear.

Don’t let people’s judgment stop you from doing what feels right for you.

Look, I don’t have esoteric wisdom to share today.

Or a product to plug you or a link in bio for more.

The truth is, I need to remind you… no matter what picture people paint you

We’re all fighting a silent battle inside our heads.

We’re all trying to heal from things we don’t speak about.

No matter how many highs you see me talk about, just know there were 10 lows.

“You don’t know how much pain it took to be this gentle.”

Most people become addicted to their pain.

I invite you to become addicted to your growth instead.

To become obsessed with the feeling that whatever shit life threw your way you looked at it straight in the face and sat nah not today.

To make yourself proud, and fuck everything else that doesn’t.

If you related to anything that I said, I made a playlist of videos that healed me.

I hope they heal you too.

Thank you for supporting this journey.

Without you there’s no me.

I’m blessed.

Love you so much.

To my dad, if you’re reading this.

Thank you, dad. We made it. I couldn’t do it for me, so I did it for you.

For your legacy, your name, your love and kindness.

Thank you for making me the woman I am today.

And for teaching me we don’t give up on the people we love.

Loyalty, strength and kindness. The family values I’ll carry with me forever.

Lara.