The Authenticity Paradox

Authenticity is one of the most sought-after qualities today, especially online.

It’s this label people aspire to ‘obtain’. Even earlier today, someone asked me on a podcast “how to be authentic online”.

The entire idea of it seems to have the world obsessed, but somehow confused at the same time.

Because the entire concept of authenticity is based on the absence of performance. Yet most people treat it as this viral format or a way to be recognised.

Originally, authenticity had nothing to do with being “raw and relatable” or “vulnerable” or “liked”. It meant living in alignment with yourself - not external beliefs or borrowed identities.

However, in the world of marketing and self-development (the one I live in), it is seen as this format or template or idea for a post to make content perform better and be liked by more people.

And this is where what I call the “authenticity paradox” begins.

Where the more authentic you try to be, the less you actually are.

You start performing to an audience, you neglect fundamental values you have, you curate yourself to fit into a narrative.

Which immediately defeats the entire point you’re trying to prove.

To be honest, I don’t know where I stand with the concept of authenticity.

The term honestly frustrates me because I hurt for the person asking how to create authentic content or how to become authentic. And I hate myself for not being able to give a step-by-step blueprint to it lol.

Part of me knows it’s the wrong question, but I also can’t quite define what the right question is either.

However, I also can’t openly complain about it either - as this requires me to then try to explain what the path to understanding authenticity really is…

But the more I thought about it, the more complex, ridiculously philosophical and obtuse my answer became.

And I guess trying to even honour my “authentic self” by skipping the fluff and overly-complex ideas and aim to provide a concise answer… not being able to find a great 1 liner to define it quietly kills me.

But I think it’s time to try again, just not in one line.

How Authenticity ACTUALLY works (and how to “become” it)

See, authenticity doesn’t start when you want to use it for content.

It starts exactly where most of us avoid looking.

In our fears, our judgements, our habits we don’t like we have.

And most of us opt to avoid this, and just act like the person we think we need to be in order to fit in or succeed.

Which brings me back to the point of performance.

We perform when we feel like the real version of us won’t be enough.
We perform when we don’t trust who we truly are.

And most interestingly, we perform because we don’t know ourselves at all.

The reason why I suppose the internet is obsessed with the concept of authenticity is the exact same reason why the internet is so addictive.

We’re consistently finding ways to occupy ourselves rather than do the thing that authenticity requires.

Self-examination.

Which is often why I think most of writers and entrepreneurs often reach “peak” authenticity without meaning to.

Writers spend most of their time thinking, writing, and then debating their own thoughts in order to deliver concrete and well-formed ideas.

Entrepreneurs do something similar, not through writing, but through pressure.

You’re forced to enter a PHD in self-development through a sequence of consistent challenges that have you reflecting on every action or thought you’ve ever had.

You’re repeatedly confronted with your own patterns, fears, limitations, strengths, and blind spots.

And here is where you actually get to meet yourself, your true self. Not the fabricated version of you, the real you.

Who you are when no one is watching. How you deal with struggle, How you act when things aren’t going your way.

And here is where you then choose to change or remain the same.

Where you decide to unlearn patterns, ideas and conditionings at your own risk.

It’s where you stop trying to be authentic and finally become it. Not because it was a decision, but there was no other option.

The cost of not being “you” becomes greater than the cost of being misunderstood.

Unfortunately, while trying to find the “when” to when I became authentic, I realised it had only been after a sequence of rejections, depression and failure.

It wasn’t because I watched a TED talk on authenticity, read a book, or again ideally, I would’ve found a step-by-step framework.

The sequence of unfortunate events taught me what I didn’t want.

The journey of entrepreneurship showed me how to acquire the skills and reps to get as far away from that as I could.

But I think most importantly, it gave me the option to be able to take the risk of being myself without the expense of “missing out” on a client, a deal, a follower.

The entire journey of failures also led me to success, which I guess earned me the “right” to be unapologetic, as I felt that whatever was lost could be gained elsewhere.

Achieving the so-called financial freedom also gave me freedom to be myself.

Fundamentally, I don’t think the permission for you will come in the same box where mine came, because we all have different circumstances.

I do believe that taking on challenges and taking time to reflect will bring you closer to your authentic self.

Writing is the best self-development tool that exists for this reason too, you’re forced to explain yourself and dissect the idea in order to make it make sense…

So in short: Authenticity comes by understanding yourself. The easiest way to do it is by writing every single day.

(Thank god I found the 1 liner).

Beating the authenticity paradox, forever.

Circling back to where I started, “the authenticity paradox” the truth I wish more people understood is:

Authenticity doesn’t mean being the same version of yourself everywhere at all times.

It’s actually just showing up in congruence with your core fundamentals.

Become a walking paradox and be okay with it. It’s okay to change your thoughts; it’s okay to even disagree with them.

Here is where you don’t perform, and simply “be”. As long as you’re aware of it and don’t pretend you’re trying to be right - you’re just you.

You’re not trying, you’re being - and the best way to “be” is to “know thyself”.

That’s literally it, thanks for reading.

I might do a part 2 on how this idea of authenticity works in content, but this part was important to set the foundation to the entire premise really.

Love you.

Lara.