They're onto me. Quick.

Everyone talks about algo “hacks,” but according to online news, I manipulate the algorithm.

People are on to me, god… they’re even after you. We need to move quick.

They found out my secret.

Truth is I stormed into the LinkedIn offices and took control of their HQ.

Made the algorithm push my platitudes to everyone, and people KNOW.

Forcing 1000s of CEOs to comment “slay” on my content.

Stripe froze my payouts because they also know I’m the boss here.

How could a 5’2 Mexican girl take over like that???! I hear the rumblings.

WE ARE NOT. SAFE. HERE IS THE PROTOCOL KINGS AND QUEENS.

THE LITERALLY LINKEDIN RULES.

RULE #1: WE DO NOT SAY LINKEDIN WE SAY SLAY-IN OK?

RULE #2: LITERALLY LINKEDIN COMMUNITY IS NOW “THE GYM”

RULE #3: We do not say growth, monetise and scale - we say “excited to announce”

RULE #4: We don’t say “masterclasses” we say PROTEIN SHAKES

If you want to be part of THE GYM…

And be excited to announce that you’re going to slay all day on slay-in…

Then just know that I’m doing my best to make it happen for you.

Access to the gym is closing soon for a long time, and I won’t let them be the reason why you didn’t join…

I’m in the trenches fighting for us, kings and queens.

PS: THE GYM IS OPEN AND HAS PROTEIN SHAKES AVAILABLE

pps: this is satire pls linkedin loves me - let me laugh im so sleep deprived I need to troll but stripe did freeze my payouts xo